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I was born without signs of life. The umbilical cord had wrapped around my neck twice. I was resuscitated, suffered cardiac complications and, shortly afterwards, developed blood poisoning. My heart stopped again. Three times in my first week, I had to be brought back. Not exactly a promising start.
Growing up feeling like a mistake
My childhood wasn't particularly happy. My mother could be protective, but also deeply hurtful. I grew up feeling weak, inadequate and fundamentally wrong. A small mistake could mean days of silence. My father was largely absent.
So I looked elsewhere for people to admire. Aragorn. Vegeta. Anakin Skywalker. Fictional characters who stood for something, who fought for what they believed in and who seemed to know exactly who they were. I wanted to be like them. Unfortunately, I was rather convinced that I wasn't worth very much at all.
That belief followed me into adulthood. I struggled at school, dropped out of further education and took a job in a nursing home, hoping that doing something meaningful might finally make me feel meaningful. It didn't. I became exhausted and increasingly disconnected from myself. I'd also convinced myself that no woman deserved to waste her time on someone like me, which is a rather effective way of making sure nobody gets close.
A hundred thousand euros and absolutely no idea
Eventually I ended up working as a waiter. I was good with people. I could build rapport, read situations and make others feel comfortable. In fact, I became so good at understanding other people that I could often work out what they needed from me, which was convenient, because I had very little idea who I was without their approval.
I stopped paying rent, lost my apartment and spent a period moving from sofa to sofa, somehow convinced that this was simply the kind of life I deserved. Then I was offered the chance to manage a bar. People warned me the owner couldn't be trusted. Naturally, I decided this was an excellent opportunity.
A year later I was facing approximately €100,000 in debt. Bills and taxes hadn't been paid, and I was left with the consequences. At 22, I went through personal insolvency. If you're looking for an inspirational business success story, we're off to a somewhat unconventional start.
The first breakthrough
Somewhere in all of this, I'd developed a fascination with the human mind and human behaviour. I was also living with fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition that began when I was seventeen, and with depression. For more than a decade, pain was part of my everyday life. Working on my own mind became an important part of how I approached my own struggles, and the more I explored it, the more one question fascinated me: what actually makes people change?
I also discovered personal development and entrepreneurship. While receiving unemployment benefits, I somehow put together €15,000 for a year-long mentorship. Seven weeks later I'd earned it back. Within six months I'd generated €100,000, and after a year the business had reached €300,000 in revenue. I thought I'd finally figured it out. I hadn't.
Well, shit. Here we go again.
Years later I found myself in front of an almost empty bank account. I had to leave my apartment because the owner needed it back. Client engagements had ended, and I hadn't paid enough attention to what that meant for my income. So I did what had worked before. I invested in coaches, consultants, mentors and strategies, followed the systems and tried harder. Nothing seemed to work.
The worst part wasn't the money. It was the familiar thought creeping back into my head: I'm worthless. Again.
The moment I realised something had changed
At some point I caught myself thinking that I was homeless again. And then I realised I wasn't. I was living with my partner, a wonderful woman who loved me, supported me and believed in me when I had very little belief left in myself. She didn't love the successful entrepreneur. She loved me. That was rather inconvenient for the story I'd spent my whole life telling myself. If I was only worthy when I was successful, why was someone still there when I wasn't?
The problem with becoming someone else
Looking back, I could see what had happened. I'd spent years copying people I admired: their sales scripts, their marketing, their language, their business models, their way of presenting themselves. I'd learned a great deal from them, and I'd built a collection of masks along the way. The successful entrepreneur. The confident salesman. The man who had everything under control. Underneath all of them was someone still trying to prove he deserved to exist.
So I started changing that. I turned scripts into flexible frameworks and began using my own words, my own judgement and my own personality, including the parts I'd previously tried to hide. Gradually, my work began moving forward again. There was no magical formula involved. I was finally allowing myself to use what I'd spent years developing.
Why SCHULTE. exists
Today my work takes three forms. In coaching, I work with people on personal challenges, fears, stress and patterns that have stayed despite their efforts. Through DARK HORSE, I work with entrepreneurs who want to question assumptions and build businesses that make sense for them. In training, I teach practitioners to understand change more deeply and to trust their own judgement.
Sometimes the problem is that you're trying incredibly hard to be someone you're not. Perhaps the next chapter can be about finally allowing yourself to be who you are.
For much of my life, I believed I'd survived my first week despite a world that didn't want me. Today I see it differently. I didn't die three times because life wanted to get rid of me. I survived three times, because life wanted me here.
You are not wrong for being who you are. Your individuality might be the very thing you've been overlooking.
Welcome home. Lukas